Loops

On an aimless Sunday evening, old Hindi songs play on the radio. The Sunday is constant and unmoving in time, time which seems to have no definition. Older songs usually have a very different atmosphere. One marked by reduced quality, which over time you start liking. It is a sad and calming atmosphere. Along with the radio it watches you seated on the sofa, doing nothing. They both watch you, the radio with its two big eyes, and the atmosphere which has eyes everywhere.

There are some places which are the most packed with atmosphere. The mountains with a calm and serene lake, lacking all things superficial and making room for genuine human connection. An evening in the busy streets of your favorite city, where the amount of people add up to no people at all as they all lose their individuality in front of the city's character. The process of doing something you love, without any thought of what your goal is. All of these are the same in certain ways.

When you are walking in the mountains, the most beautiful feeling is to convince yourself that walking is all that exists. It is the most enjoyable thing in the world, and also the only thing. Drowning in it contributes to the otherwise thin atmosphere. I used to think that I love mountains because of the exhilarating view. A much more enjoyable part is exploring them with your own two feet.

An aimless Sunday evening is the opposite of walking. There is no activity. There is only hopelessness. A sense of nostalgia and uncertainty about what you are feeling. You are trapped in a tent. It is raining outside and you don’t know when it will stop.

Many such Sundays pass. In the house there are multiple rooms with radios in them, and some of them are tuned to the same station. They play the same song. Sometimes one is slightly ahead of the other. Some of them are tuned to different stations and play different songs, some filled with more despair than the others. The radios make a desperate attempt to walk towards a more memorable atmosphere.

In one room there is a radio that plays the same song over and over and over again. A Sunday that lasts forever, that does not know what time is. I walk and walk and walk, oblivious to the existence of anything else.