When you behold the suffering, that unreasonable punishment brought upon a person for a sin they didn't have a part in, your hands join with hope, praying for a better time for the person you love, yet the dilemma that never fails to scratch your hands is the path your prayers take. Each time my instinct commands me to pray for some particular moment to end, for I can't bear it, the dilemma showers upon me like cold snow - is there anyone hearing my prayers?
Rather than a disbeliever in a higher power or God, rather than being an atheist, I count myself as one who deems the current definition of 'God' to be senseless. The one preaching an 'omnipotent being who looks upon us all' is one I could never stop wondering about and imagining, for the Universe never seemed to point out that such a being exists.
Yet, in a worrying situation, where the anxiety makes your stomach heavy, I hope against hope that such a being exists. That there is a God somewhere who'll hear my prayers and cure everything by a click of their finger. One blink of the eye and everything reverted back to normal. I want God to exist, however much I reason against his/her existence.
And so I wonder, does wanting God to exist indicate weakness? Does it indicate my lack of ability to handle the situation, to cope with it? Or, better still, does this thought actually help me to cope with that situation?
It's something our mind always fights over - rationality and hope, hope that is based on baseless imagination. Yet hope is what helps us get through those few seconds, however irrational it might be. Masking reality with an illusion works as well as escaping reality.
God might be an illusion, a being who proves how weak we all are in the face of hurt, in the face of a loved one dying. But it is God, regardless of his/her existence, who lets most of us to get through hard times.
And this is the reason I don't deem devotees (who don't indulge in harmful practices) as people whose mind doesn't wander, whose heart doesn't question. Whether they know it or not, they are doing a great favour to themselves, of a relatively unburdened mind. And as for me, a wanderer, someone in constant search for meaning or reason or anything that could explain everything, things would never be so simple. Exciting, sure, but not necessarily happy.
Peace.
Rather than a disbeliever in a higher power or God, rather than being an atheist, I count myself as one who deems the current definition of 'God' to be senseless. The one preaching an 'omnipotent being who looks upon us all' is one I could never stop wondering about and imagining, for the Universe never seemed to point out that such a being exists.
Yet, in a worrying situation, where the anxiety makes your stomach heavy, I hope against hope that such a being exists. That there is a God somewhere who'll hear my prayers and cure everything by a click of their finger. One blink of the eye and everything reverted back to normal. I want God to exist, however much I reason against his/her existence.
And so I wonder, does wanting God to exist indicate weakness? Does it indicate my lack of ability to handle the situation, to cope with it? Or, better still, does this thought actually help me to cope with that situation?
It's something our mind always fights over - rationality and hope, hope that is based on baseless imagination. Yet hope is what helps us get through those few seconds, however irrational it might be. Masking reality with an illusion works as well as escaping reality.
God might be an illusion, a being who proves how weak we all are in the face of hurt, in the face of a loved one dying. But it is God, regardless of his/her existence, who lets most of us to get through hard times.
And this is the reason I don't deem devotees (who don't indulge in harmful practices) as people whose mind doesn't wander, whose heart doesn't question. Whether they know it or not, they are doing a great favour to themselves, of a relatively unburdened mind. And as for me, a wanderer, someone in constant search for meaning or reason or anything that could explain everything, things would never be so simple. Exciting, sure, but not necessarily happy.
Peace.
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